Before I go on to celebrate my mother and what she meant to us,
I must share the reality of what life was like for her and my family after she was diagnosed.
Of course no one suffered more than my mom, but Robert and Robbie you are definitely second. We all shared in my moms pain.
It was like we were all on trial.
At any one point, as a family, we were in denial, we were angry or we were depressed. And there was conflict. We didn't agree with the doctors, we didn't always agree with each other, and mostly, amidst the confusion, we felt HELPLESS.
She, along with us all,fought as hard as she could. She was truly a force to be reckoned with.
I have asked myself over and over what i think my Mom would want for us right now. I think she would want us to live lives that we could be proud of. Lives that bring us joy, adventure and without a doubt...LOVE.
My mom was so incredible that even when she was face with fear and depression within her illness---she was the the one who kept US strong, she picked us up when WE were down and she gave US the strength when we felt defeated. Truly the most remarkable woman.
The eternal positive thinker she was---she was incredible. It was this amazing power of positive thought that made her the free-spirit she was. This, in turn, opened our eyes to endless possibilities in life and made us not only strong in our beliefs, but free to achieve our wildest dreams.
SKY IS THE LIMIT....THE WORLD IS YOUR OYSTER!
One amazing example of this was her remarkable and imaginative family tradition on New Years Eve. It was a night we came together (even as adults) to create original and artistic posters outlining our dreams and aspirations for that upcoming year.
One constant subject on my mom's dream lists was the love and desire for travel.
Every year a different destination or a wonderful adventure.
She ADORED travelling, experiencing new things and tasting new foods. she passed this lust for life and yearn for new adventure not only onto all us kids, but everyone she met.
She inspired us all to see the world for the grand experience it could be.
My mom was truly an funny and free spirit. Tales of her crazy antics could make the saddest soul smile.
She would on any given day strap on some wings and sit at the kitchen table and declare to everyone that she was not cooking dinner that night because she was a fairy.
She made us laugh every time we came from school and buzzed to get into the building we live in.She would refuse to let us in until we said the magic words.
"What's the password?" she would ask, "You're skinny, beautiful, rich and juicy!"
She made everyone smile. She made people believe that they can do and be anything.
She was truly the most amazing woman this world has ever known.
She was powerful, spiritual, inspiring and completely giving of herself.
She spent her life caring and doing so much for everyone so selflessly.
She always went out of her way for a loved one in need.
She was a counsellor, a confidant and a best-friend.
Anyone knew they could come to her or call no matter what the reason or circumstance.
She always honestly, rationally and lovingly made everything better.
She appreciated the tiniest things.
A beautiful sunset, a homemade birthday card, the way Max looked at her, or an awesome bowl of soup.
She loved being with the family, sitting on the dock on Trent River with a cup of coffee just as the sun came up, a song played by Robert on the guitar,a spontaneous piece of art or mosaic, an inspirational quote or an incredible book.
She loved the things many of us take for granted.
But most importantly, She love Me.
I was her princess.
And she always made me feel so special.
I can't remember a time she couldn't dry up my tears.
That was my Mom, she made everyone happy.
I'm sure the rest of my life i will see flashes of my
om in me--the good and the bad. I am definitely and proudly my mother's daughter. Each of you also carry a part of my mother in you and at times you will do or say something a certain way because of her.I hope you will always remember her for the incredible woman she was.
I honestly don't know how to do this. I don't know how to exist in a world where she doesn't. And when people say I wont ever hear her voice again it sounds like the craziest thing.
I wish I could tell you all that we will move on, that we will someday meet again, that she is in a better place, although sh is no longer in pain and suffering, I wish I could say that heaven had gained another angel, but i feel one has been taken from us.
A part of us died with my mom that day, a very important part. She was our families glue, she held us together.
And we will miss her everyday.
They say there is a reason,
They say that time will heal,
But neither time nor reason,
Will change the way i feel.
For no one knows the heartache,
That lies behind our smiles,
No one knows how many times,
We've broken down and cried.
We want to tell you something,
So there wont be any doubt,
You re so wonderful to think of,
But so hard to live without.
I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living, My mommy you'll be.
I love you Mom.
